Italian Humor...
If you have something worth a laugh that is related to Italian families, Italian Cooking or the like, please submit it and I will add it to this page.

Italian Cookies (Author Unknown...)
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkled cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife......

"Back off!" she said, "They're for the funeral."

~ Ok, if you grew up in an Italian family, then this is hysterical!!!!!!

Italian Math Test (Author Unknown...)
An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Datsa easy." and he proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" says the boss. "Ave you got no brain says the Italian? Tree and tree and tree makea nine," "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere a you go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99 ?" The Italian says…"Each of da trees isa dirty now. So, it's a dirty tree, and a dirty tree, and a dirty tree. Datsa 99." The boss is getting worried now that he's actually going to have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doga came alonga, he crapa by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, a dirty tree and a turd, and a dirty tree and a turd……datsa makea one hundred. So, whena I gonna start?"

Italian Mother (Author Unknown...)
A young Italian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." His mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing Ma!! You're right! How did you know?"

The Italian mother replies, "I don't like her."

Bada Bing! (Author Unknown...)
You're Italian if...

Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses?
Because Italians hate all witnesses.

Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?
On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said - TO NY.

You know you're Italian when . . . . You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyers are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.
If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9," it is presumed his Mother had an affair.
There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.
You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
. . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .
And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when . . .
Your grandfather had a fig tree.
You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.
Christmas Eve . . . only fish.
Your mom's meatballs are the best.
You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.
Clear plastic covers on all the furniture.
You know how to pronounce "cappicola", "manicotti" and "mozzarella."
You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."
You've called someone a "mamaluke."
And you understand "bada Bing"

Spaghetti & Meatballs (Author Unknown...)
An Italian man was having an affair with his neighbor. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the neighbor a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, " Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the neighbor took the money and flew to Italy. Six months went by, and then one day the Italian man's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The Italian man said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you." Later that evening the Italian man came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife told the medic that she handed her husband a post card he received from Italy. The card said, "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without."

Ha! Ha! Great, funny stuff. Take me back to the cool recipe stuff please!!